Loving relationships aren’t built on assumptions.
They’re built on honest conversations.
Retirement is no different.
Yet many couples begin retirement planning with the same quiet belief:
“We’re fine.”
They’ve saved responsibly. Avoided major mistakes. On paper, the numbers look solid.
But “fine” isn’t alignment.
And in retirement, small misalignments don’t shrink — they magnify.
The Real Risk: Assumptions Disguised as Agreement
When couples say “we’re fine,” it usually means one of three things:
- We haven’t looked closely yet.
- We assume our answers are aligned.
- We trust the numbers will work themselves out.
The problem isn’t irresponsibility.
It’s untested assumptions about lifestyle expectations, income stability, risk tolerance, and what happens when one spouse is left managing the plan alone.
If this sounds subtle, that’s because it usually is.
These aren’t dramatic disagreements.
They’re quiet structural blind spots.
And research shows they’re far more common than most couples expect.
A Fidelity Couples & Money Study found that while 6 in 10 couples believe they share the same retirement vision, more than half — 53% — disagree on how much money they actually need saved to retire.
That’s a meaningful gap.
It suggests that many couples feel aligned emotionally, but haven’t yet pressure-tested the numbers behind their expectations.
And this disconnect doesn’t typically show up in everyday conversation. It surfaces later — when a market downturn forces spending adjustments, when one partner wants to travel more aggressively than the other feels comfortable with, or when health concerns introduce new financial realities.
The Gottman Institute, known for decades of research on relationship dynamics, reinforces this pattern in their work on money conversations. Their research shows that financial disagreements aren’t usually about the numbers themselves — they’re about unspoken assumptions, perceived security, and differing comfort levels around risk.
In other words, couples don’t struggle because they lack intelligence or discipline.
They struggle because retirement requires decisions that blend math, emotion, identity, and long-term uncertainty — all at the same time.
And without a shared framework, even well-intentioned couples can drift into misalignment without realizing it.
A Common Scenario
Consider a couple approaching retirement.
They’ve accumulated $1.8 million.
Their mortgage is nearly gone.
They feel “fine.”
But when asked separately:
One imagines traveling abroad twice per year.
The other envisions staying close to home and keeping withdrawals small.
One feels comfortable with market variability.
The other wants predictable income to ensure their essential bills are paid.
They aren’t misaligned financially.
They’re misaligned structurally.
Their numbers haven’t been tested against shared expectations.
Turning Assumptions Into Structure
This is why we anchor our planning process around one core number:
Portfolio Income Needs (PIN).
Your PIN defines what your lifestyle actually costs — based on your real spending, priorities, and timeline.
For couples, PIN does something powerful:
It replaces assumptions with structure.
It answers:
- What your lifestyle truly costs
- How income changes if one spouse lives longer
- Where comfort levels around spending differ
When the number is clear, conversations change.
Planning becomes collaborative, not speculative.
From PIN to Planning Framework
Once your PIN is clear, most couples discover they’re operating in one of three structural positions:
Shortfall — Income needs exceed portfolio capacity.
Stronger — Income works, but flexibility is tight.
Sharpen — Income is secure, and optimization becomes the focus.
Each framework calls for different decisions.
But none of them can be identified clearly without alignment first.
Alignment Over Assumption
“We’re fine” often means you care.
But care without clarity leaves too much to chance.
The most successful retirement plans aren’t built on perfect forecasts.
They’re built on shared language, tested assumptions, and intentional structure.
If you’re within ten years of retirement — what we call the red zone — start by comparing notes.
Then bring structure to the conversation.
When alignment and income strategy work together, retirement becomes something you navigate confidently — together.
If you’d like help clarifying your Portfolio Income Needs and identifying your planning framework, fill out the form below and set up a quick diagnostic call to help you get oriented and decide your next move for what matters most right now — income strategy, tax strategy, withdrawal timing, or risk control.
Schedule Your Introductory Call
This phone call will give us both a chance to make sure your situation matches our expertise.
After all, you wouldn’t see a podiatrist if you needed heart surgery!
This example is for illustrative purposes only and does not take into account your particular investment objectives, financial situation or needs and may not be suitable for all investors. It is not intended to project the performance of any specific investment and is not a solicitation or recommendation of any investment strategy.